Prime Ministerial Couplets
Monday, 08 August 2022 01:10

Prime Ministerial Couplets

Published in Poetry

Prime Ministerial Couplets

by Edward Mackinnon

Not favouring Curry
John had his way with her, but wouldn’t promote her
She was salmonella poison to the loyal Tory voter

Suppliers of corpses
His Edinburgh schooling must have taught Blair
he needed a Bush just as Burke needed Hare

Economic Braveheart
No return to boom and bust: he certainly had some baws
when he claimed he’d put an end to capitalism’s laws

Distant relative of the Royals
Though born to rule, he said he was a team player at heart
ER and PR failed him when his heartless team fell apart

Surveyor’s report
Clad with towering faith and burning conviction
her strength and stability were proved a fragile fiction

Proving Juvenal right
Classic narcissist and Olympian liar
makes lyric poets give up and turn to satire

An Eton Mess

Image by Martin Gollan

The Buttering of the Bread
Monday, 08 August 2022 01:10

The Buttering of the Bread

Published in Poetry

The Buttering of the Bread

by Rob Walton, with image by Martin Gollan

Just because I changed to the Tories
people tell me I don't know
which side my bread is buttered
when in actual fact
and no word of a lie
the smiling Mr Johnson
buttered both sides.

He covered one side in our beloved Brexit
so we won't be bothered by the French
and the Germans and all them eastern Europeans.
Then on the other he spread a better NHS
and tax cuts and more or less more police.

And if he put a little bit of ground glass in the butter
that's a small price to pay
and besides I'll get treated for free
in one of the forty new hospitals.

 

A Very Eton Kind of Far-Right Coup
Monday, 08 August 2022 01:10

A Very Eton Kind of Far-Right Coup

Published in Poetry

A Very Eton Kind of Far-Right Coup

by Chris Norris

(to mark the event of an attempted UK far-right coup, August 28th, 2019)

 Not long since witty heckling might
Have stopped the bastard dead,
But we just thought 'it's not our fight',
And laughed at what he said.

Great thing, the wisdom of hindsight,
Stuff we now take as read,
Like judging when the time was right
To nail the lies he spread,

Take action, raise the cry: 'Unite
Against this knucklehead
Or watch the creeping fascist blight
Bring all the things you dread'.

O yes, we marched, we put on quite
A semblance of street-cred,
And told ourselves the plebiscite
Would soon be put to bed.

We cautioned 'Don't be fooled despite
The lies they parroted;
If that lot win they'll re-ignite
The fire the Führer fed'.

But some were fooled, some put to flight,
Some too compliance-bred,
And others apt to jump in fright
At each new watershed.

So when the crisis reached its height
They simply lost the thread,
Ignored ‘the doomsters’, and made light
Of what the papers said.

They thought 'it’s not so black-or-white,
Keep calm, don't be misled',
And then, lest truth reveal their plight,
Watched ‘Love Island’ in stead.

It’s fools and fascists take a bright-
Side view of what’s ahead
Although, god knows, the appetite
For hope’s our daily bread.

So if our warning-calls invite
The fascists to see red,
Just think: this one’s no proxy-fight –
Strike now, or that hope’s dead.

This poem is taken from Chris Norris's forthcoming collection for Culture Matters.

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